A is for Ass

S is for Sleep

I'm not sleeping. Last night I was up until around 4 am. I'm not so sure what I am worrying about.

There's still JY. I told Age that as of Saturday I'm not talking about him anymore. I'm sure that my friends tire of hearing about how I feel. I suppose I still feel broken, like I've simultaneously lost my best friend and discovered that he was never really a friend at all. September is flying by and JY's lunch rain-check has to expire sometime. I probably won't tell him that my offer of friendship will expire too. Although, that's probably what he wants - to let silence bear the responsibility of rejecting me again.

There's school. I still wonder if this is where I should be. The things that interest me about the law tend to be purely intellectual pursuits and not legal practice. The intersection of race and the law, gender and the law, sexuality and the law fascinate me; however, I look at my legal career options and feel less than inspired. Unfortunately, my school isn't "good enough" for me to go on to be a law professor even though that's probably where I might excel most. Oh well. There's always an LLM from somewhere else. Or practicing. Who knows. And, I'm behind and have a busy weekend.

There's my body. Still "in progress" aptly describes it. I asked a friend if she thought I could call myself "average" in size. She said yes, but I still feel huge, like everyone must be looking at me because I'm so gigantic. Reality: I'm not gigantic. But, my body image has never been about reality.

posted by CV @ 4:22 PM