A is for Ass

E is for Eulogy

Eulogy.

My funeral would be a festive affair because us fat people are damn jolly. I would be there in spirit and squirm when they did a slide show of pictures showing my happy face and many iterations of fat pants through the years. She had such a pretty face, but a Mack truck really did a number on it, so my coffin is closed. My friends go up to the coffin one at a time. Placing flowers and sentimental offerings. Wait a second. This is not how I want my life to end. Back up, back step.

Dead, I’d be better off.

I pass the yellow line. I think of the speedometer on the truck as if it’s the weight on a scale. Too fast to stop. I run. I run. Too fat to stop. I’m on the other side.

posted by CV @ 8:55 PM